Today I want to write a little bit about something that I call conversation starters. I’m actually writing this post because I suffer from social phobia which is a condition where you fear social contact – so trying to find ways to break the ice with strangers is something that I find quite useful and I thought it would be a good idea to make a list for others in the same situation and you can actually use this list whether you are going out on a first date, going to a family gathering or something else. In any kind of social situation this list is good.
First off, remember that all conversations have three phases:
a. Introductions
b. Conversation
c. Farewell
Introductions are usually quite easy. You shake hands and ..
say your name. It’s a good idea to start things off with a quick smile as well – this shows that you are an open and friendly person which is always a good start for any conversation.
Next comes the general conversation. This is where I usually fall flat on my face because I simply cannot find anything to talk about and I fall into this trap: when the other person is trying very hard to get a conversation going with me by asking interesting questions, I am very busy inside my head thinking about the things I should be saying so I don’t hear what the other person is saying! It’s a common thing for people with social phobia – “I have to think of something to say or this person will think that I’m stupid”. While all these thoughts are going on inside your head, the other person is trying hard to get the conversation on track.
Usually people will give up talking to you and your worst fears will come true: yes, you really are weird to talk to!
This is why a little list of starters might come in handy.
It’s a good idea to look at your surroundings. Can you find something there to talk about? Maybe you are both waiting in line for the toilet – a good thing to say would be “there’s a lot of people waiting here today, huh?”.
That starts off the conversation was something you both have in common: waiting to pee!
Another thing to comment on could be the other person’s outfit. Find something you like and say “I really like your boots” or “that’s a beautiful coat, where did you buy it?” . These are great conversation starters and people always love when you say something nice about them 🙂
Of course there is always the old “how are you today?” – but only ask if you are really interested in knowing. Personally I hate when the lady at the supermarket asks me how I’m doing. I am probably the 500th person she asks that morning and she can’t possibly be interested in how I am doing. If you don’t want to know, don’t ask – but if you show a little bit of interest this is a good way to get a conversation going.
Does this seem a little odd to you? Making a list about what to say to a total stranger who might approach you? For people who are naturally outgoing this might seem a little odd. What’s so hard about making conversation? Well, there are some people to whom the social scene is terrifying and we need a little help breaking the ice.
If you want to get into a conversation that’s a little heavier, you could think about a current topic – maybe something you’ve seen on TV or – if you want to make it really heavy – get into politics!
On a lighter note, how about mentioning a movie you just saw at the cinema?
Now if you are anything like me the problem is not only getting a conversation started but also keeping it flowing. This might be one of my biggest problems. If people ask me something I’m very likely to answer yes or no and thus the conversation ends very quickly. To keep the conversation flowing is something I am always struggling with and it’s not that I’m not interested in what people have to say – it’s the fact that my brain is working so hard while they are talking that I sometimes don’t really hear what they say and so I don’t know what to answer!
Now let’s say you walked into the local fast food place and you sit down and have a burger. You notice that there’s a family sitting at the table beside you and the kids are playing with the PlayStation that the restaurant has put in place. Now the dad turns to you and says:
– My kids love to come here because they can play on the PlayStation!
This is where I would totally freeze up! At my most intelligent and outgoing hour I might say “okay ” or “yeah it’s fun to play on the PlayStation ” which makes me sound like a total idiot , I know .
What could I say instead ? Well , I might ask if there are other places in town who have the same service for kids. Or I could play dumb – just to get the conversation going – and say “I don’t really know what you do on a PlayStation ..” and the dad would certainly inform me about it . Or I could let them in on a more personal note : “yes my son loves the PlayStation too”.
It’s very easy to sit at home and come up with answers but trust me when I’m in the actual situation , I sound like a total fool .
Another thing to remember is that just because people lean over towards you and make a comment like this , it doesn’t mean they are willing to go on for a half an hour about the origins of the PlayStation . You need to make it short and friendly and end it gracefully .
Getting away from the conversation in the fast food place could be saying “I am running late but it was so nice to meet you, enjoy your meal”.
Then smile.
That’s it. Short and friendly.
Little tips like these sometimes help me in social situations and like I said, you can use these tips in any social scenario. I hope you found them helpful as well.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](https://i0.wp.com/img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png)
Gorzelak Vlogs 